Tuesday, October 2, 2012

not for wimps

I'm just gonna be real here.

Being a single mom to a child with intense disabilities can be incredibly difficult. It cracks me up when people comment, "I don't know how you do it." Well, neither do I...and quite honestly, someone I don't think I am "doing it" all that well. Sometimes I feel like such a failure.

This past week has included a range of anger, numbness and overwhelming sadness.

It breaks my heart that I don't know what is going on in my beautiful boy's head....what is he thinking? How can I be a better mom...what does he want out of life? Why does he zone out so much? The questions go on and on...and on and on.

We have worked for seven years to get true communication happening...and yet, here we are. Still wondering. Still hoping.

But sometimes the hope is replaced by frustration and sadness. And that's where I have been this past week or so. And being a defeated wimp just doesn't cut it to be a good mom...especially when your kiddo relies on you to be the head of his therapy team/educational advocate/medical watchdog/cheerleader/you name it.

Tomorrow we head to Seattle Children's for an appointment with the Neurodevelopmental Clinic and also to see his audiologist for a bone conduction hearing aid fitting. Hoping we find some new hope, inspiration...something to start feeling the upswing again of this roller coaster journey of disabilities.

1 comment:

Carolyn said...

And you are by no means "a wimp" nor Max either. What a team you and Max are.
Carolyn in WV