This past week has been filled with such emotion...including many moments of loneliness and intense sadness.
Not sure why all of these emotions are so strong right now. Perhaps the "back to school" time of year and all the preparation that must happen for a child with medical, auditory, and developmental challenges.
My mommy heart just about broke the other night at dinner. While I continously tried to engage with Maxwell, he was in a completely different world. I was pointing out (and signing) the green trees and blue sky. Nothing. I tried some songs. Nothing. I tried silence. Nothing.
It hit hard...is this the rest of my life? Continuously trying to engage my child in the world around him...living in silence...always hoping for a miracle?
I simply want to be able to communicate with my son. I want to know what is going on in that beautiful head of his. What was his favorite part of the day? What does he want to do after dinner? What toy is his favorite? What does he want to do tomorrow?
Yep, those are my hopes. Simple...perhaps. For us...not so much. So we will keep working together and learning to communicate.
And me? Well, I will try and do a better job focusing on the following words of wisdom (posted above my desk) ...
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.
UPDATE: As I went to sleep last night, I really was disappointed that I posted the above thoughts. I really don't like sharing the "lows" on this journey....it feels so "woe is me." And quite honestly, I feel incredibly blessed. I have an amazing son who is happy and healthy. We have a wonderful bond and enjoy each other immensely. That should be enough.
(And ironically as I write this he is definitely communicating by bossing me around with his pointer finger. In the past three minutes, I have been TOLD to turn on the light, turn on the video, wrong one - get the other, go get peanut butter, now take me downstairs, more peanut butter. What a clever kid...and wow, he certainly can make his needs known with merely a pointer finger!)