I cannot believe that it has been over three years...and we are still fighting with the other parent about adequate financial support. Truly, it is astounding.
Recently I have refrained from posting anything about that person because there really isn't any point. He shows absolutely no concern for Maxwell's well being and refuses to do anything beyond what the court orders (and even refuses some of those orders). For example, I recently gave him a heads up that we will probably need some legal input (to ensure the necessary supports are in place) as Max transitions to preschool. He refused to contribute a dime to help.
But anyway, I must do a little venting and share my frustration regarding the latest development.
On Monday we have a scheduled contempt hearing regarding the ex-husband's refusal to pay the court ordered alimony. He and his lawyers have known about this for a month or two...yet today (basically the last business day before the hearing), I receive various petitions requesting a gazillion documents from me AND stating they are asking for reduction of child support and elimination of spousal support. So not only is he refusing to pay the court ordered alimony, he now wants to reduce child support.
He is actually trying to claim Maxwell is a healthy, strong typical three year old. The man hasn't seen Maxwell in over two years, and all he knows about him is through the blog. Does he really think that is all there to know about Maxwell? Does he have a clue on how much work it takes for Max to reach every single minor achievement? Hours, days, months of dedication goes into learning every sign and word...every activity...absolutely every milestone. And to try and use his progress and our hard work against me is despicable. Absolutely despicable.
I often hold back on the bad days...I don't want to be negative about Maxwell or his developmental ability. So like most of my friends, I typically only post the good news on the blog. We like living in the "happy" world. :) (Some may call it denial...but whatever it is, it works!) Because that is what I try and focus on in our everyday lives...what Max IS doing, not what he IS NOT doing.
The other party claims that since Maxwell isn't in a "vegetative state" (which isn't true really of any individuals with CHARGE syndrome), that he has made a miraculous recovery. What? Is that the standard now in life...if you are not in a "vegetative state," then you are doing just fine? Can you imagine if this man for one day had to deal with some of Max's issues? He would quickly realize how much I sugarcoat Max's abilities and we struggle each and every day.
But why focus on the negative? My boy is alive and he is learning. Slowly but surely he is learning, and I feel incredibly blessed to be on this journey beside him. All I have ever asked for from the ex-husband is enough financial support so I can give Max the intensive care and therapy he requires.
So for now, I am going to take a few deep breaths and relax. I will not let this man ruin another moment for us. Hopefully the judge will see through his deception and will award us the financial support we need and deserve. It just shouldn't be this difficult, should it?
26 comments:
No Amy, it shouldn't be that hard. I'm so sorry.
Nope, it shouldn't.
So ridiculous. Why don't you post a few typical day's schedules, the costs, the gas used, the time required, the team of therapists, the medications, the clothing, food, shelter. Maybe you could just email it to his dumb attorney. So frustrating. Hang in there.
It should not be that hard...but sometimes it is....simply because you are dealing with someone who lacks a certain level of maturity. My husband is still battling his ex over visitation and a million other stupid things (she has custody and he TRIES to be a very involved father!) and their divorce was 14 years ago! It is sad...but it takes two adults to settle things rationally..when you are only dealing with ONE mature adult things can drag on and seem to take forever...
Hang tough...you WILL eventually come through this!
I am sorry you are having to deal with this while you are so busy with getting Maxwell to meet all his goals!
Hugs
Jaye
It shouldn't be this hard at all...i'm so sorry you have to go through this. I love you forever and ever no matter what! ;) And am always hear if and when you need to vent.
I'm going to try really hard to post without several swear words ;)
Seriously he is so clueless. Clearly he has no freaking idea. Send a camera crew to my house & let them follow me around. Alex is almost 10 & requires care every second that he is awake & checking at night while he is asleep. I adore Alex, he is the center of my world but my world is also very limited because his care has to take priority over every other thing.
Stay strong. I'm quite sure there is a special place in hell reserved for him.
((((AMY))))
My heart and prayers are with you..
Amy, I wish that there were some way that those who know you and see what you go through on a daily basis could write to to the judge, or whatever powers that be. To give some sort of written testimony on your behalf, and on Maxwell's behalf. It shouldn't be as hard as it is for you to get monetary help from *him* to care for your son in the way that will help Max the best. I know they say that life isn't fair, but this really isn't fair. Hugs to you, and lots of prayers as you continue to go through this trial.
i could say heaps of stuff bout him and you know what they are ive said them befor LOL and others have to and how i ask how can anyone miracusly recover from charge there are some parts that get better look at his heart for one that is better but the other stuff doesnt disapear i hate that ex and i wish youd never met him in the first place wish max could have a good daddy but he cant so all ill say is ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHh love u
I wish the judge could read your blog and meet Max. And I wish he'd make the lawyers for the x read the blog too, so they could see just how much dedication and effort you and all Max's therapists put into every single milestone. If they had any moral compass at all, they'd resign from the x's service after that. Geez. I'll be praying that you get a judge who understands justice and what is right, and who makes sure you get what you need and deserve for Max. And I'll be praying for your continued courage and endurance on this long road.
No, it shouldn't be this hard. I'm sorry that it is. The universe better know what it's doing cuz you're dealing with way more than any mortal can be expected to deal with. I'm sending you love, patience, courage, endurance and strength.
so sad that this man will not offer even a monetary benefit to his own flesh and blood. I think most people can see through him to his true character...
Max is not in a vegetative state because he has the most amazing mommy who pours everything she has into this amazing little boy. He has made LEAPS and BOUNDS just in the year or so I have been checking in on him and has achieved some quite impressive stuff considering the challenges he faces. Shame on his biological father for witholding from HIS OWN SON what he needs--both financially and emotionally. I'm sorry, Amy, to hear this devastating news.
Heavy sigh. Sending thoughts your way for peace, patience, and strength. Sending other thoughts your ex's way ;)
Sure do miss you guys at playgroup. Hope to see you sometime. Need a Max fix! And Tommy needs an Amy fix. Take care.
Amy, I think it's time to contact some local TV or newspapers in WV and start fighting back.
You know, when I read your blog, I often think, "Wow, Max! You're doing so great!" And he is. However, I also appreciate that every one of these great moments is the product of thousands of hours of struggle and hard work and that, like you said, you often don't focus on those struggles.
Anyone here (in your old town) knows the other person (I won't call him a parent because he isn't a parent to Max) and knows exactly what sort of person he is. That's why he can't run for re-election. I'm sorry that this is dragging on, but have faith and just keep on keeping on.
Stay strong Amy. We are all behind you.
and yet, on his website, he calls himself a father to maxwell. i could wring his neck. a real father knows the difficulties his son goes through on a day to day basis. a real father cares about his kid enough to want him not just to succeed, but to cross the line at first place every time, and to put an ounce of effort into helping him do that. he sucks. :(
I agree with Laura. Additionally, who would vote for or contribute to Dan Greear for Attorney General since he is paying excessive fees to have this deadbeat dad manage his campaign? Previously I have contributed to and supported Greear but Sprouse's involvement means my vote will go to McGraw.
All I can say is WHAT??? OH MY GOD!!! I do not know what else to say except Max is lucky to have you as his mommy even if his dad is a ---!!!
Hugs,
Crystal and Eva
Amy, if there is anything your WV readers can do on your behalf, don't hesitate to ask. I know a LOT of people and my husband does too. I will gladly assist you in any needs you may have from my end.
I read your blog from time to time to keep up on what Max is up to (I must say he is one cute kid).
I just wanted to say that I think you are a great mother and you should focus on that. Max is very lucky to have you in his life and he will only grow despite the challenges so keep up the great work!
Amy...I have so many negative words for this X "man" in your life. However, I'll save it. Know that i'm here if you need a girls night out or whatever. We can shoot arrows at a picture of his head if you want.
Amy,
I agree with Nichols. West Virginia does not need an AG who has a deadbeat dad bending his ear.
Mothers have a difficult time now. I doubt if any have had a more difficult time getting support than you have had.
My husband and I are in awe of both you and Maxwell and all that the two of you have accomplished.
Amy,
It's not hard to believe HE is trying to get out of supporting his child. He is beyond pathetic and in no way deserves to be a father to a child as wonderful as Max. But he is his father and needs to quit being so selfish and be responsible. Believe me, If I get a chance, people know what he's about.
Hang in there! Max is doing so well because he has you for a mother! Even if I don't personally know you and max, I am in your corner!!
As is my weekly custom, I checked your blog for updates on the AMAZING Maxwell and saw that there was no new post...re read this one in utter disbelief...a week of it settling into the brain cells hasn't made it any easier to understand. This man is unbelievable....
I keep you and Maxwell in my prayers...you both deserve so much better!
Hang in there
Hugs
Jaye
Hi, Amy. I thought I'd de-lurk (is that a word?) and tell you that you're an amazing mama to Max. Thank you for sharing your lives with us. I am praying for you, and hope to meet you face to face someday.
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