Typically when I have a rough day, I have learned to handle it myself and there is no point really in venting. I am blessed in so many ways and really try and focus on that. And come on, I am the proud mommy of an absolutely amazing, gorgeous, silly lil' kiddo...doesn't get much better than that!?! :)
But tonight, I suppose "my cup overfloweth" and I must say to my close friends and family that I would really appreciate your prayers of peace, comfort and wisdom.
Beyond the day to day activities and stress, in the back of my mind is still the divorce appeal and our financial concerns. The appeal is still ongoing and there was finally some movement this week with it. (It has taken this long because of some of the ex's political connections...delayed it already by six months.) But we finally do have a judge that will review the case and so now we will just wait and see.
The whole situation still kind of astonishes me. The ex husband is remarried for the fourth time, having another baby and bought another new house. (I know, I know...absolutely ridiculous.) Yet he "cannot afford" to provide any help with our living expenses? Makes you shake your head a bit, doesn't it?
Yes, Max and I will be fine...but it sure could be a lot easier if we had adequate support from the other parent. Is this truly what the system finds fair? One person can single handedly manage the daily therapy appointments, 15 medical specialists, daily medical issues, intensive developmental and therapy work...AND handle all the living expenses? Really?
I just don't know how to do it all...and most importantly, it isn't fair to Maxwell. For him to reach his potential, he needs A LOT of attention, input and therapy. I am doing the best I can, and I am truly blessed he is doing so well considering his disabilities. But each of his milestones takes A LOT of work to reach...they don't just happen.
Ok, that's about all the time I have for venting...I must get going. Thanks friends and family very much for your concern and love. Your encouragement along this journey has been so incredibly helpful and supportive.
On a much lighter note, my sister Elizabeth was teasing me yesterday that she has received several "heavy breathing" phone calls from Max recently. Thought you'd all appreciate that...perhaps I will add some of your phone numbers on our phone too! :)
11 comments:
Amy- I am so sorry that you have to go through all this, you should be able to just focus on Max and not have to worry about all that other stuff. I will be praying for you.
Sorry Amy I know its so hard for you when it comes to the Ex factor. It suck when they can mess with the system like he has.
Also PLEASE add my number to your phone I would love for Max to call and breath at me...LOL!
Hugs,
Crystal and Eva
Venting is good sometimes! Amy, you're awesome, and Max will someday need to know that his Mommy indeed is NOT "SuperWoman"! So, you should start preparing him for this shocking revelation.:-) It might be confusing because he will probably SWEAR that you have a red and blue cape tucked carefully beneath your collar! But, it will be relieving to know that his mom is just a *normal* human being.... :-)
love you both bunches--
the Mellos
Of course you can vent - you're human! So much on your shoulders. You are in our prayers and know that you are not alone.
Love,
Rebecca
Cameron and Nathan's mom
We are sincerely praying for you and Max every day. I know how hard it must be for you. My husband died too young to retire and I am trying to raise a 14 year old alone. She would just love to have one brand name of jeans. Not going to happen until I can find a job. So, we can all just vent and pray together. Life seems so hard, but we know that God is on the helm. The ex will get his judgment one way or the other. .
Love,
Diane and Alex
vent away my dear. vent away. because you have to be able to release your stressers. Maxwell can sense when you are stressed and that can't be the best for him. I haven't been where you are exactly but I can say at times that I unrealistically stated I could do it all by myself. I was afraid ask for help for fear it would show me weak. I was afraid to say I can't do this all by myself because it would give ex power over me. In the mean time I became a tightly wound rubber band that let go of her top over the stupidist things looking back. I don't expect or want you to be superwoman, and neither does Max. We just want you happy, healthy and loving. The rest will fall into place with God's Hands and the community and family's heart. I love you my friend. Wish we were a bit closer geographically.
Oh Amy,
Max's biological father should give Max his fair share of benefit. I can't believe that you and Max are placed in a situation where you have to convince strangers of this rather than Max's biological father coming forth willingly and eagerly - full of appreciation for all you do for your son and the magnificent being that he is. Even from a purely selfish standpoint, I feel Max's biological father would have alot to gain by embracing this approach - if the simple divine action inherent in it eludes him. Thank goodness Max's world is based on things other than these circumstances. He has a wonderful life where is great capacity and wholeness are celebrated and supported every minute of every day. May the courts see clearly and assign resource freely to you and Max. oxo, yuka
Amy, my wife just sent me your blog today and I just had to respond. I am the father of two loving daughters, Hailey (10) and Jillyan (6). Jillyan has CHARGE - coloboma's in both eyes, has had glaucoma surgery in the left eye, has had two heart surgeries (first for ASD, VSD, PDA with collapsed Aorta at 20 days old - second about 1.5 years ago for subaortic stenosis), bilateral choanal atresia (surgery at 3 days old), kidney reflux, is profoundly deaf in the left ear with a hearing loss in the right.
I only list an overview on Jillyan's experiences so you will know that I have walked down SOME of the road you're currently walking - except for the ex part.
Please know that myself, my wife and our two daughters have you in our thoughts and prayers, but you are strong, and mighty max has a very devoted mommy and I'm sure you will come out of this long tunnel to light and laughter, one day. Not to say that day will be tomorrow, but you are tough, I can tell from reading your blog entries. I know that my wife is tough, and she's handled the lion's share of Jillyan's care as I travel professionally, and there's no way of taking what I do and converting it to a local position that allows me to stay at home while paying the salary that I require.
Anyway, if he were nearby, I'd kick your ex right in the... well, you know. But don't waste too much energy on hateful thoughts or on anger, you have a lovely son who I'm sure makes you smile when you look at him. I know that Jillyan constantly finds ways to make me smile. Keep your head up and your heart full of love!
Good luck to you, and when we launch our Jillyan blog I'll come back in and let you know where it is so you can meet the family. For now, we have a web site but it's got little to no info on Jillyan - www.hugginsnet.com .
Best wishes to you and mighty max!!!
Robin, Susan, Hailey and Jillyan
Firstly, creating a child does not make you a father or mother. It makes you a parent. A father or mother is a million miles higher that being a parent...while the heartaches are that much more when you are a 'mom' or 'dad' so too are the joys...too bad Max's other parent will never know these highs and lows. but to be honest..with marriage number four under his belt...and baby number three on the way...I doubt he EVER will...he is on an endless quest for true happiness and he just keeps throwing it away...some people never learn. And their lives are sad and empty.
On the other hand...YOU have become a parent AND a mother...so your highs are high..and your lows are low...Welcome to the club...isn't it a great one? :)
You will have days when you feel you can't handle all the stress...I don't have a 'special needs' child..I have four children who are on target for their ages and I have days when I feel I can't handle it all..I can't begin to imagine how YOU must feel...but remember..God never gives us more than we can handle...sometimes....we just need to let Him carry the load for awhile....
You are my hero. I am a strong, educated, independent woman...but YOU are truly my hero. You have done things that are just mind blowing..and I only know you through Max's blog....keep that in mind.....around the world YOU inspire others to reach for greatness.....
Also know that in the legal world...it is NOT fair....as an almost attorney I can see the chasm in family law that needs reform....I vow to do all I can to change all that I can...
In the meantime...keep your chin up...you are Max's WHOLE WORLD. He doesn't see a mom who 'cant'..he only sees the love of his life....
when you go to sleep at night..know that you have given him the greatest gift of all....you aren't just his 'parent'...you are his 'mom'....
Hugs
Jaye
Amy, I can't say much beyond the beautiful comments that others have left, but know that you are in our thoughts and prayers, and that God and your precious Max will see you through this.
Peace and hugs,
Leslie & Katie
Amy,
I am thinking of you today and I will request that our group at church pray for you this weekend. Theres this group of mommas that I blog with and they do Red Tents.....Red Tents are brought about when somone needs relief. Do you have a Red Tent? If I were closer I'd call for this.
Thinking of you and Max,
Shannon in Austin
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